Pieces of a soul
by Cheeno
Summary: Misty must watch year after year as Ash continues traveling with other girls, a sequence of replacements, while she is left alone. Pokeshipping. One-shot.


The inspiration to write a new story came from the song 'Mamma Mia' by Abba, sung by Meryl Streep in the movie 'Mamma Mia'. There is little of that left, though, actually it's quite ironic to read the story and contemplate that something like this could ever emerge from a song like that. You will see.

The story is independent, but can be regarded as a sequel to 'The Clueless One', if you so wish.

This story is in a way dedicated to one of my readers, who has reviewed everything I've written so far. Thank you :)

I want to thank a great friend of mine for giving me great feedback to this story before I posted it - your help mean a lot to me :)

Please readers, review, let me know what you thought. It takes you only seconds to let me know how you felt, compared to the hours I've spent writing. That applies for any story or writer, really. And I'm thankful for any kind of response, praise or flame, I can learn from both :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon

I'm done talking now. Enjoy :)

 **Pieces of a soul**

I had no choice. I am a gym leader after all. I was needed. As if they could do anything without me to begin with. I love my sisters, but they tied me down, and forced me to abandon the life I built for myself.

So I left. We said goodbye in the sunset, as cliché as that sounds. I tried to tell him how I felt, but the words would not form to anything coherent in my thoughts, and certainly not as spoken sentences. I tried to let my eyes speak for me. In return I finally saw in his eyes what I meant to him. At least that's what I believed. I went home with melancholy seeping through my veins, but I bore it, because I knew he would remember me, and we would reunite one day.

This was my mistake. Why did I ever let him go like that? I changed over time. How could I not, tied up in Cerulean City as I was, living a forced life. At first it wasn't so bad. I have other friends, and they brought light to my days. Being a gym leader was enough for me for a while, the responsibility was a new experience. The challengers kept me busy, and time passed without me noticing.

When I finally could look into the warmth of his eyes again, it felt wonderful for a minute. Then reality settled in. He was cheerful as ever, the same warm, stubborn and happy-go-lucky person I left months ago. But he was traveling with a new girl, who had a striking resemblance to himself, from the denseness down to their love for food. Her name was May. It was hard seeing them together, and harder still when I looked at him and could see nothing but friendship in his eyes. I wanted more, what I thought I had possessed, and I needed it. But if there was ever something more between us, he certainly didn't show it. Did I ever have his affection, even for a second?

Friends. We still had that. Hard to say what he had with May. And after all of that, she became my friend, because she's the kind of person impossible to hold a grudge against. Just like Ash.

I forgave him, in the same moment I realized he was lost to me. He is Ash, always exploring new places, chasing his dream, making new friends.

Would it have turned out differently if I had come with him? I try not to think too much about it, because that choice was taken away from me.

I could not ask him to stay with me. For him, the dream of becoming the best has always come first, and Skitty will learn to fly before he ever sacrifices that. Without it, he would not have been truly happy. Even if I somehow managed to make him stay, he might have ended up resenting me for holding him back, and I could never have lived with myself.

He came home to visit once in a while, in between his journeys. He came back to Kanto with May, and I traveled with them for some days before they set forth on a new adventure. I left him again. I let him go, again.

He returned after his Battle Frontier campaign, all friends and no more. The second he heard the names 'Sinnoh' and 'Gary' spoken in the same sentence, he was out the door and on his way.

May contacted me shortly after, to my surprise, to tell me about her new journey in Johto, and we talked for a while. I told her about my own experiences from that region, and she told me about her rivals, who traveled with her for the moment. She called them her 'second big happy family', with a sarcastic smile and roll of her eyes. I reassured her, told her to call me if those rivals got too much on her nerves. At this she laughed and told me I would be very busy then. It was good to have a friend like her. We were the same, abandoned traveling companions.

In Sinnoh he replaced May and me with a girl named Dawn. She was pretty, sweet, and very girlish, every aspect of her was the opposite of me. That one was hard to bear, even though May vouched for her. I eventually met this ray of pink sunshine, when she started traveling in Kanto, and she put me to shame. She was in every way a caring, warm and supportive person, and I rooted out my jealousy to the core. Such petty feelings seemed silly when confronted with Dawn. Instead I could make her my friend.

Unova was next. He met a girl named Iris, our new substitute. It was all about growth and maturation, he told me excitedly when we next met. The irony.

The worst was Kalos though, and Serena. She had an air of natural beauty and grace, of a kind no one could hope to compete with. And she was in love with him. Just as clear was his affection for her. Apparently they were childhood friends, reunited after years apart. It was the perfect love story.

My heart had slowly been torn these past years, one girl after the other. I felt myself turn dull. Grey, as life had no means to engage me or fire me up anymore. My mood had always been like a roller coaster, which lately seemed to level out to a flat. It happened over time, in steps, just slow enough that nobody noticed. If one looked back to the girl with her bike and fishing rod, saving a drowning boy and his Pikachu, there was not much left, and the contrast would be striking. It was however labeled as 'growing up'. Everybody changes with time, right? Well, not him.

There had been something of a flickering flame inside me, though still barely holding on. One day he called me to tell about his ongoing Kalos-campaign. As I saw Serena and Ash together, I felt ice freeze my blood on it's way to the heart, leaving in it's wake nothing but the reminder of a spark. While I was dying, Ash only told me I looked pale, and we could talk later when I felt better. His concerned, warm eyes could no longer comfort me though. He could have as easily attempted to melt a glacier with a match.

He met every aspect of his dream in the end. Winning the Pokemon League. Leaving Serena for a while to conquer the Elite Four and the Champion. Becoming a Champion himself. A Pokemon Master. Congratulations.

He came back. And here he is, at my door, the same as he ever will be. Thinking he's talking to me. Bits and pieces of me manages to keep a facade. Pretending to be the same. If someone notices missing parts, or ever suspects that I am less than a whole human being, they never say. My sisters bugs me about dates and meeting 'the one', but they never see through my carefully woven mask. He will not notice either, I am confident about that. Everyone are too entwined in themselves to see.

"Mist, been a long time," he greets, with a warmth that just bounces off me.

"Ash." It's all I manage. A frown develops on his face, and a piece of me quickly pulls out a smile. It's all about balance, compensating for whenever something lacks in credibility.

He answers with a big grin of his own, and hugs me before I have the time to prepare. While he holds me another part forces me to hug him back and compose myself.

"I've missed you!" he says, and again my facade gives the right response, never once disappointing.

"I've missed you too." It comes out a bit muffled, but he is free to interpret that in whatever way he chooses.

"I have to go, I'm preparing a big party. I'm not leaving again, see, and I want to celebrate it all with my friends. It's in two days, at Professor Oak's. Brock will come too. We'll talk there, okay?" As quickly as his monologue is thrown in my face, is as fast as I see him dashing away.

Maybe I could feign sick? Maybe not. The old me would have dragged herself to that party anyway. The fact is, I have to attend. Some piece of me must get me through this, or else everybody will know.

My sisters gushes over me, excited about my old crush coming back. They are unstoppable tornadoes of girlishness. Before the day is up, they have picked out a cream colored, tight fitting dress, matching shoes, and managed an hour long discussion about my make up. I let them. I'm tired.

The next day we make the short journey from Cerulean City to Pallet Town. We arrive in the evening at the lab, and get to sleep over there.

In the morning, the sun is shining without a care if it gives life, soothes or burns. My sisters gushes over me for a second time, to make me ready. I feel hollow on the inside, as my pieces are preoccupied with administrating the right reactions.

It's still a bit early when Ash approaches me. He is radiating joy and warmth, suddenly reminding me of how it used to be. We had something together, didn't we? His eyes are so wonderful, making something flicker inside me which I haven't felt for a long time.

We break eye contact as he hugs me tight, again. "I'm so happy you came, Mist, I hope you know how much this means to me. To us both, I hope." I don't get a chance to respond, because he's off in an instant. If he really meant what he said, why does he always leave me? In one moment he hugs Iris, the next he's greeting some hyperactive blonde boy. It must be great for Ash to have his friends from all his journeys together like this. No wonder he exposes me to that big goofy smile.

For a moment he stirred something in me, but now it dissipates with every second, I barely feel it anymore. I can not let him lure out such nostalgia from me again, I'm so much more alone afterwards.

In the afternoon more people start to show up. I can spot Tracey with Daisy at his side, talking to Iris and Cilan. Gary is all charm and confidence, flirting with Dawn. A scary looking man, Paul, I think, keeps sending Gary murderous looks. Ritchie and Todd Snap are occupied in exchanging Ash-related stories with some other guys, probably other rivals from his journeys. May arrives with a green-haired, seemingly arrogant young man – must be Drew – and they act all lovey-dovey while he still manages to keep up something of an aloof attitude. Brock swoons over my other sisters, which already have been proposed to by this strange girl Bonnie, on behalf of her embarrassed brother Clemont. Serena is the sun of the day, talking and laughing with Ash.

I'm currently under the scrutiny of Max. Not much ever passes May's brother without him noticing, and apparently I'm on the agenda.

It's a twisted relief when Ash walks up to a flower decorated podium and everyone succumbs to silence. He has never looked so good before, that boyish charm turned into something dangerous in it's naivety.

"Thank you all for being here today, to have you all here with me is a true honor and a privilege." He flashes a happy smile, immediately mirrored by the whole crowd.

"I finally reached my goals, and I could not have done it without you guys, I hope you all know that. I am truly grateful to you all, for your help and support, I thank you." He bows, and people cheers.

"There is however one person in particular which is very special to me. She saved me, and became my first traveling companion and true friend. Misty, would you join me up here?" He looks at me and smiles. His friends mimics him again. My feet begin to walk, taking careful steps in my ridiculous dress. Towards the podium, my pieces coordinates me to their last stop, the guillotine. They can not survive this.

I arrive at his side, and he whispers, just for my ears, "You look stunning today."

He sinks to one knee, and my mind is empty as the gesture. "Mist, you've been my companion and my best friend, my inspiration and safe home. We made a promise years ago, that we would be together again. I love you. Will you marry me?" I can't see. I can't feel. I'm truly hollow.

"I can't tell all the times I've cried over you." My voice bears through the expectant silence, it's empty like me.

I can no longer see, my pieces are gone. There is something of bliss in the void. If there is nothing, I don't have to pretend anymore. No pain, just the darkness.

Even that is taken from me though, as the world forcefully demands my attention. His voice, calling me, his eyes, brimming with tears, is the first to come through. "Please Mist, wake up, come back." Is that panic? I don't want him to be concerned. He can't be sad. He must be happy, I need him to be. He stares at me frantically, and there is a desperate love in his eyes. I lock my gaze with his, and suddenly my heart is back. I can feel it in there, quivering but definitely present. Ash is holding me, I notice, and he seems to be calming down a bit, although tears still spill out.

"Why did you never tell me?" he keeps asking, begging for a way to undo this. Perhaps wishing he could turn back time.

He cares about me. Ash loves me. It is written as clearly in his face as the kindling of something unrecognizable in my heart. A flame? It's tiny at first, but it grows quickly. The feeling is staggering, I have to hold him tight, without him it will surely die again. He hugs me and whispers my name, coaxing my heart to trust him, to believe. When he looks at me again, relief floods his features and he smiles. He is the first to see _me_ in years.

Ash gives me a beautiful, gentle kiss. After a moment I respond. I can feel myself blossom in an inferno. A fire within my soul.


End file.
